13 February. 2020. Family Law

13 February. 2020. Family Law

Scoots. 2013

Scoots. 2013

Proceeding affirms agreement of  Terms and Conditions  (If in doubt read it out loud.)

My beautiful Byron,

I am back to a more settled time zone after all that recent traveling.  And I am doing well with exercise and fitness. And work is going gangbusters. My new record is getting closer to finish and my book writing is now occupying about eight hours of each day. I have a new book well on the way and I am loving writing and getting better at it with practice.

That’s good new from my side. Sadly though, the most important news is not good.

As you know, I couldn’t mention much in previous weeks because there was a legal process underway. I wrote to the court and received a reply, for the first time, directly from the court. This is because I reported how Adler and Amlot have a pattern of making court applications in which I am neither present nor represented. The Court simply grants their every wish. Finally I received a reply and I thought  – at last I will be able to speak to a Judge in family court and explain why you should be allowed to have a relationship with me. Because you are my son and I am your father.

I had intended to highlight the many instances in which Adler and Amlot have obstructed your right to be with me. Even for a holiday visit. My hope was to once again raise the opportunity you have to be raised in California with me and Phyllis. I wrote a statement explaining how we are able to provide full time attention for you. How Adler’s attention has always been work first and parenting second. And why there are many advantages for a growing child to have full time parents, contributing ethical values in the course of daily attention to academic, athletic and art pursuits. I love to teach. So does Phyllis. And, more than anything, I love you enough to continue as I did when you were born. That is, be around for you all the time. 16708536_10155198979781807_8974825362096558688_nIt has always been my hope that you would be able to return to live with me as your residential parent, and spend holidays with your Mother. Who would then be able to take time off her all consuming work as a divorce lawyer, profiting lucratively from peoples misery, to spend 100% quality time with you, as opposed to the 10% she represented during the four years you lived with me. Where I was with you 100% of the time.

Anna and Andrew, 2018

Anna and Andrew, 2018

Well. As you know, I was not successful in getting any family court in England to place your best interests above Adler’s family law status as a member who shall not be ruled against for any reason. You know that when she first took you away and refused to provide me with the address of where you were, she demanded £100,000 before she would allow you to see me? Then, when I made a court application for visitation, asking family court for just 1 night a week with you – Saturday night – to start the regular visitation while I built the case for winning custody, Adler treated the hearing like a war.

She brought a QC to raise her objection to you spending even one night a week with me. She ambushed my lawyer with her demand for costs in that hearing with a last minute notice that made him panic. And the family court judge ruled that I could not see you that weekend in a hearing that was simply pathetic in terms of professional duty by members of family law. In that way Adler stopped regular visitation while I was still in the UK. In 2013. One weekend I even had the manager of a premier league football team, Crystal Palace, extended a personal invitation for you to join him in his managers box for your first game experience of football with me. “No Mother is is ever going to say no to that for her son” is what Ollie said. And yet  on the day before the game Adler refused to allow even that special opportunity for you to be with me. Amlot and Adler were unrelenting in their commitment to obstructing even the smallest concession to letting you see me UNLESS I paid them a huge sum of money first.

This obstruction went on for 13 straight weeks and is what forced me into making a court application for visitation – which they then used to run up a huge legal bill for me. They won the hearing where I asked for one night a week with you – and the court ruled you could not spend that one night a week with me. When Ann asked Adler why she did that she replied “I didn’t want Andrew getting any ideas.”

15706824088_45984267d1_kBecause I was not agreeing to give her the money she demanded £100,000, “Ten thousand for every year I was with him” she simply blocked every effort I made to see you and for you to see me. She had a lawyer, Tom Amlot, who used every dark skill available to members of family law to ensure that every last hour of time we spent together cost me as much as possible.

In fact the first four nights I saw you cost me £40,000. That is £10,000 per night. At the same time Adler and Amlot would tell the court that  I did not want to see you. And that they were really trying their best to encourage me to see you, but that I was refusing. Because I was too busy having fun to see my own son. While his poor Mother worked night and day to try and put food on the table.

That’s how it has been since she succeeded in taking you away. And preventing the kind of visitation you and me would need to interact appropriately as father and son. Jump forward four years. I still don’t see you. My legal costs went over £500,000 and I don’t even have a home in England anymore.

I thought this time might be different because the facts are so glaring. It is all in black and white and many people know about the conduct of Amlot and Adler. And the brilliant Judge Michele O’Leary, with her blocking all witnesses and then saying there were no facts ‘as she would expect.’ This time I believed would be different. This time I would be represented. A judge would have to hear from me and not just have a secret conversation with Amlot and Adler and issue a ruling without me being involved in the process.

I know that in law there is the issue of fairness. It’s called Justice. And when you have a court making a ruling with only one side represented, especially when that one side comprises all members of the same organization, family law, then it is not fair. And it most certainly does not represent Justice. That is what I thought would make the court decide to allow me to speak. For your interests and justice, as well as my own.

While I was waiting for that court date, the one where I would finally be represented – by myself –  I had to travel to South Africa, to see about Yaya’s health. And that took most of the month of January. That’s why I was not writing to you on this page. Because I didn’t want to disclose that this hearing was going to go ahead. And give you false hope that finally a court would order that you spend the entire summer holiday and the entire winter holiday 2020 with me and Phyllis.
I can tell you I really thought it was going to happen this time. I had replies from the Financial Remedy Unit of family court. And the facts were undeniable. Its a long list of examples showing the Adler/Amlot persistent obstruction of any visitation at all. In which they simply lie in court and depend on the fact that no judge will hear our side of the story. Yours and mine.

Well. I don’t know how to put this simply. But here goes.

They went ahead and held a hearing in which I was not present or represented. Adler and Amlot  presented there same style of legal deception to the judge. The judge, also a woman,  ruled that there was no problem in delivering yet another judgement in which I was not present or represented. She agreed with whatever Adler and Amlot proposed. And for good measure, awarded costs against me. At a hearing where I was neither present nor represented.

Even as I write this I find it hard to believe. Once again a family court judge has ruled and that ruling means Adler and Amlot get whatever they want established as law. I have no opportunity to address the court – on your behalf as well as mine. And the court awards costs against me for having the nerve to try and see my son. Everyone I speak too about this – and that is a number that includes many professional people, find the family court in your case to be child abusing. These judgments all made in secret hearing where I am neither present nor represented are child abuse. Your rights are abused. You are a child. This is so unfair. And so against what British Justice is known for. Transparant laws in pursuit of justice and fairness.mariababy

At the same time, this was going on in London, I was staying with Chris in South Africa while I was taking care of Yaya there. Chris is your godfather and has known your mother since I first met her, which coincidentally was on 14 February 2003. Seventeen years ago tomorrow.

Chris has been talking to Adler since the ambush of fathers day 2013, when she took you away. He has tried very hard on your behalf. Many times. Year after year. he was even a witness in the O’Leary Court case – where all witnesses were stopped from speaking. He was ready to fly to London to address the court because he knew a great deal about you, your mother, and me. he used to visit you several times aytear – with Maria, and always bring you nice presents, as your godfather.

He stopped sending presents only because they were not reaching you. But despite that, he was always asking me what we could do to see you. Last year when he was traveling, he planned to see you. I wanted you to have a Mac laptop. So that you could have your own account and in this way, you could at least establish contact with me without the harmful interference of Adler and Amlot.

That visit was not allowed by Adler. Chris was upset at the nonsense excuses she offered as to why she wouldn’t let you see him, but kept on trying. So this year he gave her considerable advance notice.  Texting and emailing her with the dates he would be in London to see you.Maria and Byron 2009

He wanted to just spend an evening taking you for dinner to just listen to you. See how you are. He cares deeply. He is your Godfather.

In 2015, for your summer holiday, I had a ticket booked for you to come with me to South Africa for Yaya’s 80th birthday; and especially to see Maria for the last time. Adler knew that Maria was ill and wanted to see you to say goodbye herself.  Cancelling that trip for you was a big decision by Adler. No one on my side could believe she actually did that. Maria died a few Months later. I still traveled even though your were prevented from coming with, and had a very important time talking with Maria and discussing her wishes fro Anna. Her lovely daughter who was 2. Since then I have visited Anna every year. And I have a very strong bond with her. I would have loved for you to have a relationship with her as well. Because you also loved her mother very much. Beautiful Maria.

Since the last time Chris saw you, his wife Maria died. Then his Mother died. And he is raising Anna on his own. So he has many things on his mind. But he always remembered to ask me about you. And encouraging me to keep on making sure I do everything I can to see you. His meeting with you was set for this Saturday. Here is what he sent me yesterday. The reply he got from Adler.

This is to the godfather of her son.


Dear Chris,

I am following up on your request to see Byron this weekend. I have thought this through and the answer is no. I have wondered about the reason for this request, in circumstances when neither Byron or I have seen you for over 7 years and given that until mid- last year, you have not been in touch. Given that you are copied into Andrew’s (unpleasant) correspondence to the court, and that Andrew has given your home address as his correspondence address, it’s fair to infer that your motivation to see Byron is to report to Andrew. This is not necessary. Andrew is free to ask me directly if he wants to know how Byron is, or through my solicitor, if he prefers.

I wish you, Anna and Nick all the best, but I would prefer it if you do not contact me again.




Of course I don’t need to identify how much of that reply is not truthful. But what it means now is that the option of family court ruling for you to see me is not likely to happen. Adler is free to lie to her hearts content. No family court will listen to me. I am not a member of family law. So that is the reality. Chris will keep trying to visit you, but you can see the extent of the obstruction even family and friends get.

For us to be together – even if just for your two holidays every year, we will have to look elsewhere for law enabling our relationship.

P1110430daddybynicksOne option may exist in ‘emancipation’. That is – where you are represented in court to apply for emancipation from Adler’s control  for the purpose of  having a parental relationship with your father. So you can tell the court what you want. And if that includes seeing me, then the judge will have to hear from you. I will research it further – and get legal advice – but I understand the youngest child to achieve this is 14. You are smart. And you have right on your side. So, whenever you feel able to take on this decision, I will support you. Not to say anything bad about your Mother. Just to tell a judge that you want to see your father and you do not agree with your mother overriding that decision. As you are a minor, the court has to decide if your mother is right to continue this blanket obstruction to any unfettered contact or visitation – or not. Solely in that matter. Your right to see your father. You don’t have to talk about anything else. Just repeat; I want to see my Father. And stick to that through a very sensitive hearing in front of a family court judge. There is no reason why any court would rule you are not safe to be with me. You would leave and depart on the agreed dates. In fact If it was your decision to choose to come and live with us in California and go to school here, Phyllis and me would love nothing more. You can depend on us. If that happened you could travel to see Adler in your holidays as much as you wanted.

IMG_3254I am so disappointed that all this effort has once again come to nothing. But, I will not give up hope that we will see each other sooner rather than later.

Chris sends you his love and is almost as disappointed as I am with what has happened this week. Anna is 6 now. I spent a lot of time with her last month. She loves hearing stories. Her favorite on is ‘The story of Byron and my mom.”

Oh well. Lets hope things will get better. Many people miss and love you and are trying to make things happen.

Miss you,
Love you,




Where you can order my books, encourage my writing and also send copies to friends. And leave REVIEWS

LETTERS TO BYRON in chronological order:

The first of the LETTERS TO BYRON:  The PILOT
4th:  Thanksgiving day
5th: MICHELLE O’LEARY. The switch Judge
6th : Raining in California
7th: Music
8th: December Rain
9th: Brexit and Greek war
10th: Winnie the Poo
11th: December kayaking
12th: Family law and Mark Zetin
13th: Xmas day 2018
14th: Maria and Anna
15th: New years eve 2018
16th: Your first smile
17th: Your Uncle GEORGE
18th: The Mighty PACIFIC
19th: WEBSTER and Summer HOLIDAY 2019
20th: Breach of Privacy offense
22nd: Philotimia
23rd: A short note
25th: Robin Hood
26th: SRA ethical code
28th: Valentines day
30th: Rushing
31st: Quick Note
32nd: Johannesburg 2019
33rd: Still in Johannesburg
34th: More Johannesburg
35th: Last Johannesburg for now
36th: Traveling. Upgrade
37th: Spring
38th: Whales
39th: MEXICO
41st: 1 April. Wallace’s Birthday
43rd: Short letter
45th: KIRA visits
46th: Goodbye uncle Lazaros
47th: Easter Monday
48th: OJAI Tennis
49th: Short letter
51st: Cartagena memory
53rd: Last letter to 9 yo
54th: First letter to 10 yo
55th: D Day – 75 years
60th:  Chris and Golf
61st: Chris visits Byron in London
65th: MISS YOU
67th: Mason leaves for college
68th: ART
69th: Day after 911
71st: Two Women
75th: M and M
76th: HALLOWEEN 2019
78th: First late letter
89th: MIAMI
90th: Thanksgiving and the SRA
91st: Dentist
93rd: Almost Xmas
94th: Boxing day 2019
95th: 2nd January 2020
96th: 9 January 2020. Liars and Thieves
97th: 16 January. Thursday
98th: 23 Jan. Mystery Thursday visit
99th: 30 Jan. Months end
100th: 6 February. 2020. Summer Holiday


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